Reached the northern tip of Borneo and feel awestruck by the vast sea in front of me. And then sadness arises, as if it had been kept under the usual consciousness that is speechless now.
And then I miss Nepal..maybe it’s more than Nepal.
It’s some past that I keep wanting to go back but I can’t.
Somehow that’s the grief I feel all the time. I am searching for something that no longer valid or exist.
Dreamt that I am tired of living in high rise building and get totally disgusted by it, and I develop acrophobia out of it.
I’m having expectations on people.
No one is supposed to give you a tap on a shoulder or say you look good, or say thank you when you did something good. why am I so upset when there is no response.
I think I have communication problem. I would say something I’m happy about but people will think I am sien about it. I would say I am motivated to do this and that but people will say I’m addicted to doing those things.
‘Am I?… Am I?’ here comes the questions so familiar to you all.
So I go back and do self reflection up to few days, and conclude that they don’t understand what I feel.
I suddenly realized that living in singapore is like swimming in a tropical sea with a foggy goggles. Somehow your goggles become dirty here, and since you can’t appreciate the coral with your eyes, you use other parameter to understand it, like how many fish are in your sea, how big is your coral.
While in some parts of the world, the sea is full of junk, but the goggles are clear. You don’t see much corals and colorful fish, but you swim more happily around. Because you life live not by measuring, by seeing it and knowing that you are immersed in it.
After so long and so much money spent. I still give answers like ‘I think so…’ ‘maybe’ … ‘see how’ when people ask me what I want to do in life.
I thought I already have the conviction within me, but it disappears when I am being asked.
That is what I am looking for all these while.
Sing my heart out at a Mei concert. By myself. Haha
Some of the song, I still know how to sing, but I already forgot the title. Then I realize it’s more than 10 years ago…
The feeling is… Awesome.
I like old shops, cafes and restaurants. More than 30 years that kind.
Not many around..
