February 2012
13 posts
Pray that I can go Mount kailash in September!
Happy!.. My admin staff say I semakin berseri-seri (look more refreshed) nowadays
心动原来只像浪花般短暂。
过后连自己也不明所以。
又有多少个会留下痕迹
我却只能靠稍纵即逝的心跳来证明我的存在
Please ground myself down.. Everything I feel that I’m chasing something too hard…
Happy vday to my orange heart… Lol
我努力地往外跑，跑到越远越好，只是为了挣脱心里的枷锁，由千千万万的评语，意见，冷言冷语包裹形成的枷锁。
我说我一个人活的好好的，因为有我和我的梦，好象就没少些什么。
而被禁锢太久的人总是觉得自己好好的，因为已经不习惯自由。
而独处太久的我对爱感到莫名恐惧，不知道自己可以付出什么，也不知道自己缺少什么。也不知道在付出和得到之外，还有什么……
I am always trying to balance, without me realizing…
Swinging between unalarmed friendliness and its-too-much explosive defensiveness.
Between impulsiveness and over-worrying.
Between anxiety and procrastination.
Why am I constantly seeking approval from others? I feel good after sitting, and I need people to affirm that it’s ok to feel good.
I feel happy after changing my room position and I need people to say that I look happier?
I find myself spending hours explaining why I feel good, since when I am happy and how I feel happy…
What is this fear that people might not agree with what I...
Sometimes we are like a chess piece that plays our knight’s role too seriously and forget what we are made of.
I think a prince that comes with a motorbike is more charming than a white horse or branded car…
January 2012
13 posts
From 'A New earth'
What does it mean to be confused? I don’t know is not confusion. Confusion is :”I don’t know, but I should know” or ” I don’t know, but I need to know.” is it possible to let go of the belief that you should or need to know who you are? Can you cease looking to conceptual definitions to give you a sense of self? Can you cease looking to thought for an...
Journey 2: the mysterious island
‘You know Ann? She believe that she might have lived through the Atlantis age previously’
My friend Sharon always say something so ethereal in such a matter-of-fact way…
What if we remember our past life? This is the question that keeps knocking on my curiosity lately.
A highly impractical question, I know.
Dreamt that I am tired of living in high rise building and get totally disgusted by it, and I develop acrophobia out of it.
Finally I get to say happy birthday- after so many years haha…
I’m having expectations on people.
No one is supposed to give you a tap on a shoulder or say you look good, or say thank you when you did something good. why am I so upset when there is no response.
I think I have communication problem. I would say something I’m happy about but people will think I am sien about it. I would say I am motivated to do this and that but people will say I’m addicted to doing those things.
‘Am I?… Am I?’ here comes the questions so familiar to you all.
So I go back and do self reflection up to few days, and conclude that they...
I suddenly realized that living in singapore is like swimming in a tropical sea with a foggy goggles. Somehow your goggles become dirty here, and since you can’t appreciate the coral with your eyes, you use other parameter to understand it, like how many fish are in your sea, how big is your coral.
While in some parts of the world, the sea is full of junk, but the goggles are clear. You...
After so long and so much money spent. I still give answers like ‘I think so…’ ‘maybe’ … ‘see how’ when people ask me what I want to do in life.
I thought I already have the conviction within me, but it disappears when I am being asked.
That is what I am looking for all these while.
Sing my heart out at a Mei concert. By myself. Haha
Some of the song, I still know how to sing, but I already forgot the title. Then I realize it’s more than 10 years ago…
The feeling is… Awesome.
I like old shops, cafes and restaurants. More than 30 years that kind.
Not many around..
睡前少了一句晚安
上线少了一个问候
有时觉得一个人过得很完整
有时却想一个人要靠什么来支撑
今天心情很奇怪，有点想家，有点疲倦，有点想做菜。
December 2011
10 posts
在夜店庆祝新年
看到富家子弟 忙着拍照 social
我竟然想起 toronto 的日子
青涩 酒精 摆臀 泡妞 的岁月 有了段距离
觉得自己真的老了
My past life was in Nepal?… How can such a revelation come at a tea time after yoga class…
It’s sensitive, not emotional.
Our mutual guy friends were analyzing orange guy to me, saying that they think he is too dangerous to Sook Nee…
And I’m always the one walking along the edge of the danger zone. Half involved… Haha
From 'The power of now'
Do you frequently talk and think about the past, either positively or negatively? Are your thought processes creating guilt, pride, resentment, anger, regret or self-pity? Then you are not only reinforcing a false sense of self but also helping to accelerate your body’s aging process by creating an accumulation of past in your psyche.
Finally woke up from my dreams… Both toronto dream and Nepal dream… After meeting with Yuehan and Yeeleng.
In the dream I feel that I’m finally myself… Outside the dream I feel that I’m finally grounded.
我想从盲目的追求中解脱
却发现自己只是盲目地追求解脱
Questions: where do I get supports in my life? supports that feel like a firm cushion behind your back when you are sitting cross leg on a wall
Jealousy stings.
Last few days was like a flu to me. I think I hit the peak of emotional turbulence and I was crying involuntarily few times on Thursday. Luckily a few friends gave me some rescue remedies. But after recovery from the madness, it feels like a sunny day after the rain.
I even suspect it to be just a hangover from the weed tea we drank.
I think basically I feel like I am missing out a lot by coming...
Nepal trip is like a dream… I’m at the dawn of awakening.
November 2011
6 posts
I really pray hard for my sister to have a good relationship.
But everytime we talk about it I seem to see so many love-related issues with her. Even with my untrained eyes. I don’t know if I am biased or what…
I tried to give advice but same thing happen again.
Sometimes I dont know if my advice helps.
Anyway she dream of me when I was 6,7 years old. Not much details though....
Physicists see moving electrons. Einstein sees all mass is made of light.
Buddhist says emptiness.
Yogi sees the space within all particles.
Psychics see aura.
The Universal Calibration Lattice system I just heard of- talks about lattices of energy around us with the radius of 60 cm.
I think they are probably the same thing. And so I believe all of them.
“Centre yourself at love and you won’t go wrong.”
“So whatever cause, we have had some experience, some glimpse, some understanding...”
幼稚无聊的纷争
还好一切在我吃饱后发生
原来我最厌倦的是自己随波逐流，生活没有目的的感觉。从以前就很没有行动力。
常常想要旅行是因为我被迫去移动。这会empower 的感觉
October 2011
16 posts
Rigorously searching like an Aries.
Especially attracted to the mysterious and intense thing like a scorpio.
And like a strong gush of wind that come and go, I retreat from the darkness and go back to the sunlight in no time when i get a glimpse of everything. Because I won’t stay long at a place don’t belong to me.
或许我只是想抓住青春的尾巴
而你只是想有双聆听的耳朵
“i can say a lot about engineering lifestyle bla bla bla.but i think it’s just there a hole in my heart..” “what hole ah like sth missing?” “i tink a lot of time i dun feel connected to ppl” “dun feel connected bcos ppl dun understand u?” “on the surface is ppl dun understand.. but inside i think is something very simple...
I think I’m still too naive/simple… still believe empty praises and things that people say for fun.
Maybe I had chosen to be like that some point of my life.
This is one of Kali’s secret boons. In pointing you toward those parts of yourself that you have rejected, feared, or ignored, she inspires you to transform your identity over and over again, letting go of the old rigid ideas of who you are, stretching your emotional range, your mind, and life itself in delicious and liberating ways.
Someone told me don’t get too into yoga.
I’m shocked, ‘why?’
‘why do you like about yoga? Yoga might make ppl feel good about you have you own space when you are doing. And if you start clinging on that personal space you have, you have the risk if separating yourself from the others’
I find it quite disturbing. For him, meditation is the path, but not yoga,...