Last few days was like a flu to me. I think I hit the peak of emotional turbulence and I was crying involuntarily few times on Thursday. Luckily a few friends gave me some rescue remedies. But after recovery from the madness, it feels like a sunny day after the rain.
I even suspect it to be just a hangover from the weed tea we drank.
I think basically I feel like I am missing out a lot by coming back from my nepal trip earlier and some obstacles must have slowed down my ‘spiritual attainment’ because I seems to be searching eagerly in all directions for some answer but I’m still very lost so far.
One uncle sifu that can sorta read ppl’s mind said that I’m so hesitant and indecisive and I end up turning rounds at ground zero. It actually freaks the hell out of me. another Aunty say we shouldn’t do window shopping and mix every technique and philosophy up. Instead we should focus on a path a go deeper before we branch out to other schools.
So I am screwed!
But then everyone has their own path. And we can’t compare with our friend. Everyone is a unique piece of land that are planted with plenty of seeds. You never know when it will fruit and you can’t be hasty. ‘As long as you remain faith, you will reach there eventually’ just gotta do your part and plant the good seeds and be patient. Looking back, I don’t think I have walked a lot of 冤枉路. At least so far. They are all precious experiences and teachings. It still feel confusing to mix up osho, tibetan buddhism, yoga, kundalini, reiki and ucl… But i am indeed going deeper and deeper, just that i haven’t reach the broadway… How can I wish that I had never experience them? I’m extremely glad to come across swami nitya, diamond sutra, Peter Thomson, Erica’s psychology healing, osho meditation is a bit too scary but yet I’m grateful for those experiences. And even feldenkrais from ck.
Alright it is quite confusing. I know that they are all right, but I have decided to focus my energy on yoga (Iyengar /Sivananda) and Buddhism for now. And meditate!!
I pray that I can find my ‘broadway’ my guru and don’t get suck into emotions and 偏执。 Just remembered that jin wei said 只要不执着就不会走火入魔。 that is so true!
I said my trip is like a incomplete puzzle with a missing piece. Actually, our whole life is one big piece of puzzle waiting to be completed. Sometimes we mourned for the missing piece, we search all over the closets and drawer trying to turn back time. We should instead be patient and keep an eye for a new piece to come. Maybe it was meant to be another piece that fits in better. It’s just about timing?
Diana say ‘maybe there’s no obstacle?’
Amy say ‘it means you should go back Nepal with me!’ I’m still young and Nepal is just few hours away… So what am I crying for!
